Monday, July 10, 2017

Children should not be used as an argument for or against Gay Marriages.
On the 30th of June, Germany became the latest EU member state to approve same sex marriage, prompting further debate in many of its partners on following suit.

As things stand Europe is split in half, with the western part having embraced full equality for LGBT individuals, while the eastern and southern region, still failing to do so.

Currently the debate is ongoing in Malta, which is expected to follow Germany in near future and Northern Ireland, which is the only region in Western Europe still reluctant to pass similar legislation.

Just as when the debate was ongoing in the Republic of Ireland, I watched partially the discussions on the issue from the north of the border; and no surprise, the main arguments were against the adoption of children by same sex couples and the formation of "families" by such individuals.

But really, are we going to decide the happiness of two people on something that may not necessarily take place?

Instead of focusing on allowing two people to be treated as equals in the society they live in, we are trying to raise walls and obstacles to their happiness, by comparing the traditional established heterosexual families with those that may potentially be formed by homosexual individuals.

This is a mistake and both sides, those who are against gay marriages and the LGBT equality groups are wrong. They are missing the whole point.

We are talking about love and the ability to express it openly, freely and be able to have legal status among gay partnerships, as we already have for heterosexual ones.

For example, if a homosexual person falls in love with an individual outside the country he/she is living or the EU, then this individual must have the same legal status to have his union recognised by the state and be able to keep his/her partner legally in the country. Just as any straight person can do.

I do not see why children must come in the discussion and become an obstacle to their union, which is something that they may never chose to have.

I also do not understand why some LGBT individuals see as a must the right to adopt, while in reality we are discussing equality on openly loving the person you want and legally securing this union. A child, just as in a heterosexual marriage, won't save or complete it.

And as many "straight" couples are mistakenly trying to safeguard their marriage by having or adopting children, I can't see why homosexual people need to make the same error.

A child is not a puppy or a must have achievement to enhance your status, fullfill your needs or image and legitimise your union. Both gay and straight couples must be responsible when deciding on adopting a child.

Homosexual individuals do not have the burden of childbirth and have a more comforable living standards, as all of their income can be spent on their needs, hobbies and lifestyle. I cannot understand why they must insist on something that they cannot naturally have, just to make a point.

While they can have the best of both worlds and remain legally married, enjoying the joys of a newlywed couple, whithout going through the difficult phase of raising a child, which often takes its toll on the relationship.

What they must be focusing on is the absolute acceptance by the public of their unions, the legal recognition by the state and all the authorities and the promotion of the same rights across the EU and perhaps the rest of the globe.

Besides, even heterosexual marriages do not always result in having children, should these enjoy less rights and status?

I am not against gay adoption and if the law allows it for straight couples, then yes it must allow it for gay couples too. But it should not define the debate on same sex marriage or its outcome. The real issue is the legal status of same sex unions and their full acceptance by society.

The cases that surelly require special legislation and attention, are those in which one of the partners in the same sex marriage, has already a child by a previous heterosexual relationship or is a lone parent.

Then yes, these cases pose a definite argument for adoption by gay individuals and the sceptics need to understand and respect the fact that modern family is changing. They simply need to catch up with the modern reality and do not impose their own conservative views on the future of these children.

Undestandably, same sex marriage is something new and people of all sexual orientations feel the need to understand it, redefining the notion of marriage and family.

Then think that nowadays it is acceptable for two white heterosexual parents to adopt an Asian or African child, something that would be impossible to occur naturally, yet we can not tolerate the same "unatural" family when comprised of two same sex parents.

Giving the same rights to your fellow human beings, does not take away any of your rights. There are already families of mixed race, ethnic background and religious beliefs, but also one and multiple parent ones.

The institution of marriage and family was not the same centuries ago, with what it is today. It changed and developed over the years. We adapted to these changes. Now we must do the same with same sex unions.

Instead of holding on to what we know and using it to block any development for the way forward, we should just take the leap and embrace it. We ought to give every human being the ability to express or explore their sexuality openly, freely and if they chose to be in a same sex relationship we should treat their union equally as any heterosexual one.

And hopefully one day, our stereotypes of gender, sexual orientation and marriage will collapse and people will be able to chose their partner not according to what is socially acceptable, but who they really love.

Children can be born in heterosexual marriages, but grow up in homosexual ones, as their parents might split and chose another partner of the same sex. And society will accept and tolerate it, just as it does for mixed race unions. That should be our goal, not use children as an argument to push for our agenda, either it is for or against gay marriages.

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